My Theory, Which Is Mine
May. 20th, 2005 09:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
handful_ofdustOkay, anyway...I can't leave without telling you my neat-o theory of Padme's character-spine degeneration/how the incredibly bad love-scene dialogue actually works into "the plot". So here 'tis:
Throughout their relationship, Anakin--without even realizing it, probably (but maybe he does! Cr-EEEP-y!)--is using Jedi mind tricks on Padme. this explains why she, a seasoned politician several years older than him, suddenly think it's an unavoidable inevitability that she end up in bed with a sworn monastic warrior who's barely old enough to shave. it also explains how she throws birth-control to the wind, why she can't do much except go: "Oh, Ani! You're breaking my heart, (you kid-killing bastard!)" in the last sequence, etc.
I mean, really: What else could it be? He's not THAT hot.
Anakin: Oh Padme, I know we met when I was eight and I apologize for macking on you creepily even then, but...did I ever tell you how much I hate sand?
Padme: Really? Y'know, Ani, I think of you as my little brother and, uh--WOW, that's a crappy pick-up line. I've heard so much better, over the years. Why, I remember this one time at Senator Camp...wait. Um.(Pause) Brain...melllting...(Long pause; dumb brunette voice) Oh, hey. You're tall.
Anakin: (All amazed/smug, and shit) Yes. Yes, I am.
Throughout their relationship, Anakin--without even realizing it, probably (but maybe he does! Cr-EEEP-y!)--is using Jedi mind tricks on Padme. this explains why she, a seasoned politician several years older than him, suddenly think it's an unavoidable inevitability that she end up in bed with a sworn monastic warrior who's barely old enough to shave. it also explains how she throws birth-control to the wind, why she can't do much except go: "Oh, Ani! You're breaking my heart, (you kid-killing bastard!)" in the last sequence, etc.
I mean, really: What else could it be? He's not THAT hot.
Anakin: Oh Padme, I know we met when I was eight and I apologize for macking on you creepily even then, but...did I ever tell you how much I hate sand?
Padme: Really? Y'know, Ani, I think of you as my little brother and, uh--WOW, that's a crappy pick-up line. I've heard so much better, over the years. Why, I remember this one time at Senator Camp...wait. Um.(Pause) Brain...melllting...(Long pause; dumb brunette voice) Oh, hey. You're tall.
Anakin: (All amazed/smug, and shit) Yes. Yes, I am.
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Date: 2005-05-21 03:39 pm (UTC)Actually, I'm sort of glad they at least had the doctors and the robot teletubbie midwife say "physically there's nothing wrong with her, but she's lost the will to live," because up till then I was muttering to myself "so, this society has spaceships and floating droids and they can replace limbs but women still die in childbirth?!! Hm, priority problems?"
Actually, I liked the movie except for the Padmé/Anakin scenes. Anakin had somewhat more credible motivations, and he and Kenobi had quite good chemistry this time out. Although it was Palpatine who stole the show, which is only right. (Andrew said, "when Anakin knelt before him and swore allegiance, did anyone else think of Spottswood and Gary in Team America?")