And Now, the Monday Crash

[handful_ofdust]

Fucking dreadful night. The Barringers/Torrances thing wasn't bad in and of itself, but Cal looks so demented and unreachable in comparison with his cousins, let alone (say) the little girl we met on the Subway going up there who was only four days older than him and could obviously be trusted to come when called, carry stuff, not talk to strangers, etc. She sidled over and tried to engage with him, while he flailed in his stroller, looking anywhere but and constantly singing the subway song (those three notes the doors make, just before they open). And yeah, isn't it great that he can recognize the fact that those notes, the Jeopardy theme song and "No!" by TMBG are all on the same sort of scale...but Jesus! What I wouldn't give for him to simply respond to people, indicate preference on a regular basis, not look like a crazy little dog.

I express these things to Mom, and she apparently thinks I'm doing some whole big ego-trip about how it reflects on ME. Can't express them to Dad, because then he wins. Express them to Steve, and he goes into his trademarked rote routine about what a wonderful, caring person/parent I am, how he "couldn't do it without [me]". To which I just think: Too fucking right you couldn't, guy who can't get out the door without fifty new disasters presenting themselves. Guy who can't remember to pick up milk, let alone his own kid from said kid's grandmother (who is actually doing him a favor to look after said kid, for which she doesn't get thanked). Guy who can't do laundry and type at the same time. Guy who needs an hour to do what takes most people fifteen minutes, and two to do what takes most people forty-five...

It's like everything's a big fucking mystery. Can't simply tell Mom how much the Daycare bill was, because you "have to calculate" her share of it directly instead. Because--it's really important for her not to know how much things cost? Like she couldn't work it out for herself, after the fact. Can't take notes during the assessment, so you can later tell me A) who the doctor was that you saw about Cal, B) where he's located and C) what the frigging phone number is, so I can call him and light a fire under his ass about therapy. Talk about volunteering at Daycare during your off-contract hiatus from work, but don't actually pick up or fill out the necessary forms, or anything...that'd be too much like making it REAL. That'd interfere with your RPG.net computer time.

Oh, whatever: It's not like I'm exactly some Goddamn prize of all time. But. But but but.

Comments

[come-love-sleep.livejournal.com]

You don't know me, really. I read your blog all the time, I've read your stuff and enjoyed it, but you don't know me from Lilith so I don't know what this is worth to you. But.

*hug*

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's worth a lot, believe me...it's always worth a lot, when people put themselves out for you. So thanks.;)

[moon-custafer.livejournal.com]

You do know me, and I *hug* too :)

Thanks, previous poster - she does need the hugs.

[moon-custafer.livejournal.com]

PS - Hope I wasn't being too presumptuous there.

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

No, not at all. And thank you too.

[strange.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Hang in there.

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

Oh, I will; no choice, really. And it's already a bit better, thank God--as often happens, I find.

[kaaronwarren.livejournal.com]

Wow, here I was feeling pissed off because some loser called me "mean mum" when I told my kid to stop whacking his sister with a pillow...

I hope you get that doctor's number soon, so you can move this stuff forward, start to get some help dealing with it.

Hugs from this person you haven't met from across the world.

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

Thank you, seriously. It's always something, isn't it?;))

[kaaronwarren.livejournal.com]

It is always something, yes!

You've got a lot going on with Cal and the family reactions. It's so hard dealing with 'opinions', isn't it? Much as I'd like to say "I don't care what people think", I do want them to think my kids are clever, good to be around etc.

[harriet-spy.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I can't really figure out if it's "such" a tough time or just the shape of the rest of my life, but the response certainly helps.

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

:::HUGS:::

My stepson is autistic, so I've been through some of the issues you're dealing with. It does get easier.

[handful-ofdust.livejournal.com]

This is what I've heard. Thanks.