Every Gun You Ever Had Went Off
Jul. 11th, 2008 09:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
handful_ofdustStill dubbing, still doing damage control. Still trying to figure out what to attack next, and how best to do it. OTOH, I have a nice little shot of porn all lined up, something which really does just need to get strung together, tweaked a bit and posted, in order for me to get that all-too-enticing jolt of feedback; OT[other]H, I'm beginning to feel very definitely as though porn has become my crutch, my fall-back position, my addiction...the thing I can do and still feel like I'm doing something, even though I very palpably am not. Nothing useful, anyhow.
In real news,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cristalia finished a first draft of her latest, Above, so huge props to her. And I've been checking out Elizabeth Bear et al's crazy fanfic-for-a-show-that-doesn't-exist web-project, Shadow Unit (look it up)...man, that's a novel all by itself, with each "episode" making up an amazing little chapter. The pacing is tight, the characterization spruce and neat, and here's the thing you can't get on TV: Because it's prose, you can eavesdrop on people's thoughts, choose perspective in a very direct sort of way, see people from the outside, then flip and see them from the inside. I'm joking a bit about "not being able to do that" in script form, since of course you can--Lost is famous for it--but in prose, it's like you've switched from black and white to Sensurround.
It's professional-level content, and they're giving it away. I can't figure out what they're looking to get back from it, aside from the recognition factor, or the creative impetus...but then again, maybe that's enough. The thrill of the self-imposed deadline, shored up by an actual group of people saying: "I'm waiting..." on a regular basis. Like Strike TV, or Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.
I sent my Dad two of my most recent stories for Father's Day, to show him what I was working on, because--I guess--I can't ever really let go of the vague hope that my parents might approve of what goes on inside my head, if they only made themselves look at it. Of course, all he had to say was that he liked "Sown From Salt" "better", but that he really wished I'd write something else. Told Mom, and all she had to say was: "That must have been hard...", with the clear implication that she, too, wishes I'd write stuff which was more salable, less grotesque, less sexual and weird and dark. And you know what? If somebody offered me money for that, I'd do it in a second--quickly, well, up to standard, like any other paying job. But what I write for me, the stuff that keeps me alive inside...this is it. This is what comes out.
I want to have success, man. Who the Hell doesn't? I want to be pumping it out. I want an audience. And yet.
And yet.
In real news,
cristalia finished a first draft of her latest, Above, so huge props to her. And I've been checking out Elizabeth Bear et al's crazy fanfic-for-a-show-that-doesn't-exist web-project, Shadow Unit (look it up)...man, that's a novel all by itself, with each "episode" making up an amazing little chapter. The pacing is tight, the characterization spruce and neat, and here's the thing you can't get on TV: Because it's prose, you can eavesdrop on people's thoughts, choose perspective in a very direct sort of way, see people from the outside, then flip and see them from the inside. I'm joking a bit about "not being able to do that" in script form, since of course you can--Lost is famous for it--but in prose, it's like you've switched from black and white to Sensurround.It's professional-level content, and they're giving it away. I can't figure out what they're looking to get back from it, aside from the recognition factor, or the creative impetus...but then again, maybe that's enough. The thrill of the self-imposed deadline, shored up by an actual group of people saying: "I'm waiting..." on a regular basis. Like Strike TV, or Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.
I sent my Dad two of my most recent stories for Father's Day, to show him what I was working on, because--I guess--I can't ever really let go of the vague hope that my parents might approve of what goes on inside my head, if they only made themselves look at it. Of course, all he had to say was that he liked "Sown From Salt" "better", but that he really wished I'd write something else. Told Mom, and all she had to say was: "That must have been hard...", with the clear implication that she, too, wishes I'd write stuff which was more salable, less grotesque, less sexual and weird and dark. And you know what? If somebody offered me money for that, I'd do it in a second--quickly, well, up to standard, like any other paying job. But what I write for me, the stuff that keeps me alive inside...this is it. This is what comes out.
I want to have success, man. Who the Hell doesn't? I want to be pumping it out. I want an audience. And yet.
And yet.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-11 05:46 pm (UTC)I forget what his reply to that was, though. Possibly, 'no'.
I don't have that 'hang in there' cat picture. How about Ben Foster?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 02:40 am (UTC)Thank, anyhow. The fact is, I'll feel a whole Hell of a lot better when I'm actually writing again, about anything. I've pretty much given up on the article at this point, and I have one more pass through that script to make before I start on the outline for him...and "Hungry Ghost Mountain" is coming together. Re-reading "The Narrow World" definitely ehlped, in terms of suggesting a structure and refamiliarizing me with Jude's voice.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:13 am (UTC)I ended up typing in TextEdit for crying out loud. Strangely, it was where I have done Resurrection, Burn and everything else 3:10 related. I'm using Bean now - hoping to leap back into Scrivener soon. (All Mac)
Still typing on the cranky powerbook.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 05:07 am (UTC)Did you get the picture I emailed?
Date: 2008-07-14 03:14 am (UTC)Re: Did you get the picture I emailed?
Date: 2008-07-14 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-11 07:21 pm (UTC)And that porn wouldn't happen to be of the 3:10 variety, would it? *is jonesin'* ^^
Ah, parents and approval...6_6
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 02:41 am (UTC)C'mon! Of course it is. What else would it be?;)