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So: No "real" writing whatsoever yesterday, though I did A) put two loads of vinegar through the dishwasher, to hopefully disperse our horrible soap buildup and B) find out, definitively, that the George Brown class is indeed canceled once again, due to lack of enrollment. In the evening, meanwhile, I ended up at a 7:30 PM showing of Kick-Ass at the Sheppard Grande. Overall rating = two and a half, three if I'm being generous, mainly due to the total lack of development displayed by Dave Liszewski/Kick-Ass himself (not Aaron Johnson's fault, just that the character is such an incredible, parodic American otaku/uber-norm with knee-jerk Peter Parker self-deprecation issues that his eventual "achievements" read as badly-disguised legitimate Gary Stu hijinks). But I actually had a big soft spot for the D'Amicos, particularly Chris/Red Mist...and then there's the Macreadys, Damon/Big Daddy and Mindy/Hit-Girl, who get five all on their own.
Surely, we've all heard about BD and HG by now--a riff on the Batman mythos' dark underside which posits an obsessed ex-cop who parlays his vendetta against New York mobster Frank D'Amico into an excuse to train his daughter so stringently from the age of five on that by eleven she's a pint-sized sociopath with matchless martial arts skillz who thinks nothing of attacking a six-three grown man head-on with only a pair of brass knuckles and a bad attitude. Kick-Ass is a fool who wants to get laid, and geeky Red Mist just wants his Dad to pick him for once, like Mafia thug life was a game of kick-ball. But the Macreadys are legitimately crazy and utterly ruthless, willing to die but preferring always to do by any means necessary, the masters of calculated overkill. That she dresses like an Anime schoolgirl and he Adam Wests up his voice when in costume is really only the icing on the cake.
By the end of the narrative, Mindy has effectively replaced Dave as protagonist, and Dave is mainly happy to have her do so; she's fifty times tougher than he'll ever be, so much so that when Frank D'Amico is finally able to get the drop on her--their knock-down drag-out being pretty much the only fair fight Mindy gets into in the whole movie, and Mark Strong vs. Chloe Grace Moretz really must be seen to be believed--he pauses just long enough before delivering the coup de grace to muse: "Man, I wish I had a son like you"...and lay himself open to climactic retribution, in the doing so. Good thing Chris wasn't awake to hear that, or there'd be no sequel material at all.
Anyhoo. I'd be more convinced of the film's moral decrepitude if we were EVER encouraged to look at Damon Macready's parenting plan as anything but dreadfully misplaced grief-management, but we're not--Nicholas Cage plays the entire thing as though he's hovering on the ragged edge, like Mister Rogers in the midst of a psychotic break. But Mindy, hopefully, is young enough to re-orient herself. Besides which, in four years she won't be able to flip up walls anymore and be deep in the throes of puberty instead, albeit probably still able to shoot around corners. God help her potential boyfriends.
Amended to add: But yeah, you know what would probably end up happening, if I was still writing fanfic? Some sort of epic in which Chris and Mindy get together. Called "Daddy Issues". Like so:
When she's twelve, Mindy's centre of gravity starts to shift, just like Daddy warned her it would, so she switches dojos every other month, and trains even harder. Which really makes it only a matter of time before she hits the one when Chris D'Amico's currently upgrading his minimal poser skills--and man, she can recognize him even from the back, still lanky as a colt yet ever-so-slightly more ropey with new muscle, like a bad photocopy of Dear Deceased D'Amico Senior...red-lipped, intent, pouty. Such a ridiculous mouth-breathing douche.
"You killed my Dad," he says, under his breath, every time he gets a good one in. And: No, moron, Mindy thinks--DAVE killed your fuckin' scumbag DAD. Just like your Dad killed mine.
One of these days, she's really gonna have to take up that particular little discrepancy with him head-on.
In other news, did you know Wolverine also has a female clone named X-23? I think she and Daken should date.
Surely, we've all heard about BD and HG by now--a riff on the Batman mythos' dark underside which posits an obsessed ex-cop who parlays his vendetta against New York mobster Frank D'Amico into an excuse to train his daughter so stringently from the age of five on that by eleven she's a pint-sized sociopath with matchless martial arts skillz who thinks nothing of attacking a six-three grown man head-on with only a pair of brass knuckles and a bad attitude. Kick-Ass is a fool who wants to get laid, and geeky Red Mist just wants his Dad to pick him for once, like Mafia thug life was a game of kick-ball. But the Macreadys are legitimately crazy and utterly ruthless, willing to die but preferring always to do by any means necessary, the masters of calculated overkill. That she dresses like an Anime schoolgirl and he Adam Wests up his voice when in costume is really only the icing on the cake.
By the end of the narrative, Mindy has effectively replaced Dave as protagonist, and Dave is mainly happy to have her do so; she's fifty times tougher than he'll ever be, so much so that when Frank D'Amico is finally able to get the drop on her--their knock-down drag-out being pretty much the only fair fight Mindy gets into in the whole movie, and Mark Strong vs. Chloe Grace Moretz really must be seen to be believed--he pauses just long enough before delivering the coup de grace to muse: "Man, I wish I had a son like you"...and lay himself open to climactic retribution, in the doing so. Good thing Chris wasn't awake to hear that, or there'd be no sequel material at all.
Anyhoo. I'd be more convinced of the film's moral decrepitude if we were EVER encouraged to look at Damon Macready's parenting plan as anything but dreadfully misplaced grief-management, but we're not--Nicholas Cage plays the entire thing as though he's hovering on the ragged edge, like Mister Rogers in the midst of a psychotic break. But Mindy, hopefully, is young enough to re-orient herself. Besides which, in four years she won't be able to flip up walls anymore and be deep in the throes of puberty instead, albeit probably still able to shoot around corners. God help her potential boyfriends.
Amended to add: But yeah, you know what would probably end up happening, if I was still writing fanfic? Some sort of epic in which Chris and Mindy get together. Called "Daddy Issues". Like so:
When she's twelve, Mindy's centre of gravity starts to shift, just like Daddy warned her it would, so she switches dojos every other month, and trains even harder. Which really makes it only a matter of time before she hits the one when Chris D'Amico's currently upgrading his minimal poser skills--and man, she can recognize him even from the back, still lanky as a colt yet ever-so-slightly more ropey with new muscle, like a bad photocopy of Dear Deceased D'Amico Senior...red-lipped, intent, pouty. Such a ridiculous mouth-breathing douche.
"You killed my Dad," he says, under his breath, every time he gets a good one in. And: No, moron, Mindy thinks--DAVE killed your fuckin' scumbag DAD. Just like your Dad killed mine.
One of these days, she's really gonna have to take up that particular little discrepancy with him head-on.
In other news, did you know Wolverine also has a female clone named X-23? I think she and Daken should date.
